Time flies. A new chapter in life is waiting to be written in a couple of days. What are your hopes as you reflect on the years that have almost passed?
I was looking back at my reflection at the beginning of 2022. My priority in 2022 was to focus on my well-being as I had hard times throughout 2021. I just completed a series of medical treatments. I entered 2022 with a good spirit and hoped to commit to living healthier. And I did. I planned what I ate carefully and prepared the food by myself the best I could. I exercised regularly and avoided unnecessary stress and problems. I did. Practically, I feel satisfied with my journey in 2022 and feel optimistic about welcoming 2023!
Yes, there were a few on the list that I could not make it to achieve in 2022. One of them was Umroh. But I don’t want to feel discouraged about what I haven’t completed because, overall, 2022 has given me some blessings. Three hundred sixty-five bright mornings, quiet evenings, fifty-two meaningful weeks, and twelve regular paychecks to buy “happiness.” Ha..ha. Of course, we cannot buy happiness, but what else to say – as for me, the paycheck is one among many things that make me survive and continue living a good life.
I have to admit that there is still some unfinished business along the way; mistakes, disease, regrets, shortcomings, and disappointments. Not that I cannot let go of the feelings; of sadness, anger, or heartbreak. They, indeed, had taught me wisdom and kindness. I will carry whatever is still meaningful to me in 2022 to enter another new year with new aspirations and a positive mindset.
If I could turn back to my past, what would I change? How could I do it differently? These are my two big questions as I am contemplating now.
There is a proverb saying that life is like water in a river. It rises, even sometimes floods, then recedes until it finds its proper level along with the number of dirt, garbage, or stones; a metaphor for problems in life. Water keeps moving forward, even when it is blocked. It flows around the obstacles and finds ways through rocks or pebbles.
Just like in life. Days are moving forward no matter what happens to us. Days, weeks, months, and years are coming. Today will be tomorrow’s yesterday. This week will be the following week’s past. That is on and on, bumpy and smooth.
Then problems arise when I resist going with the flow or when I walk against the flow for some reason. This then makes my steps heavy, like carrying a significant burden. When I deny or cannot accept what has happened or accept things that I cannot change or when I could have made changes but chose not to. Here is what we usually call problems.
The problems hijack our amygdala. Then we choose; fight or flight. We live from day to day with grudges and anger. At the end of the day, we realize that sometimes, it is not the problems or the outside circumstances that we need to change. But it is our perspectives on seeing things that we need to change. Embrace the things you cannot change and fight for those you can.
Sometimes we need to go with the flow to feel the lightness of the stream. Going with the flow means allowing whatever comes to move on freely. I think this is what acceptance is. Acceptance means letting go of grudges. Relax. Because most of our struggles arose when we stubbornly resisted what was happening in our lives. Learning to let go is not easy.
Going with the flow means accepting whatever situation is in my life. I choose to accept it, to acknowledge it. This is my body that had undergone a big surgery, my financial status, this is my daughter that lives life to what she believes, this is my complicated relationship, or this is where I work right now.
As life is like water, I choose to be the water. Flow like a great river. I can accept, bless, give thanks, and get going because I need to seek peace and comfort somewhere along the way. I stop blaming or criticizing myself for not achieving my dreams or completing the year’s resolutions. It is not that I am flawed. I just need to treat myself kindly, trust and not make judgments. The work ahead will get completed; the bills will be paid anyway. Every life always comes with its hard times.
It is at the end of the year – but it is the beginning of a new journey. I choose to be grateful. Acceptance is what being thankful is.
Thank you, 2022, for happiness, kindness, blessings, and teachings.
Welcome, 2023; I want to start the year with gratitude.
My self-reflection,
Home by The Garden, Dec 30th, 2022
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